What does a toad say when it sees something great?
Toadly Awesome!
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Why
did the gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chickens
foot.
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What
did one bee say to the other?
Just bee yourself!
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Why
did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why
did the cow go to the video shop?
Because he wanted to rent a mooooovie!
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JIM: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
BOB: I don't know.
JIM: One says spit out your gum and the other says
choo choo!
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What
did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner.
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What
do you call a dog with no ears?
Anything you want...he can't hear you!
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What did the carrot say
to the other carrot?
Nothing at all...carrots can't talk!
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Why
was the piano on the porch?
Because he forgot his keys.
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What
has four wheels and flies
A garbage truck.
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Why
was the nut scared to go through the park?
He was scared he might be assaulted (a
salted)
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Irish."
"Irish, who?"
"Irish I had a million dollars."
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana, who?"
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana, who?"
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange, who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana anymore?"
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dexter."
"Dexter who?"
"Dexter halls with boughs of holly."
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Atch."
"Atch who?"
"Bless you!"
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Amos"
"Amos, who?"
"A mosquito"
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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dwayne"
"Dwayne, who?"
"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"
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Name four members
of the cat family.
Momma cat, Dadda
cat and two kittens.
What goes up when
the rain comes down?
An umbrella.
Why do birds fly
south in the winter?
Because it's too
far to walk.
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What is higher
when it's upside-down?
The figure 6.
Tomato could be
said to begin and end with the little word to. What vegetable begins and ends with the
word on?
Onion.
If there are five
birds in a tree and a hunter shoots two of them, how many are left in the tree?
None. The Rest
flew away.
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If all the
animals went into the ark in pairs, why didn't the worms?
Because they
went in apples.
What goes
boo-hoo, splat?
Someone crying
her eyes out.
What goes ha-ha,
plonk?
Someone laughing
her head off.
How do you play
squash with an elephant?
Let the elephant
sit on you!
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JOKES AND RIDDLES
